Now Hiring: Bad Bank Positions Available

OMG! I found my Dream Job: PR Guy of The Bad Bank!
(I don’t know if I should hire a hotshot HeadHunter to get in, or Rod Blagojevich? I guess if I really want the job of PR Guy at the Bad Bank, I should call Blagojevich. THAT in itself would be Bad PR, but it just might get me the job…He got Burris in; he’s shooting 50% as a recruiter.)

Salary commensurate with experience, of course. I have 30 years in – most of them with very GOOD companies. I should do very, VERY well with a Bad One! I don’t need Big Salary – just enough for Bernie Madoff to tell me I don’t meet his minimum.

TITLE? It seems like an unimportant thing, but titles are important = to ME! I’m thinking mine has to be something BIG: SVP/PR or, EVP/PR or, Most Senior AND Most Executive Vice President of Public Relations…something catchy like that!

Maybe I should just keep it simple: Bad Bank Public Relations. (I KNOW it’s a little redundant, but has a nice ring to it.) Maybe just, BadPR.

With a Big Bad Title comes a Big Time salary – PLUS a Big Ass budget for decorating my office. As The Bad PR Guy, I’ll make John Thain’s Office look like a discount broker whorehouse.

Everything I’d do would be Bad PR for the Bank – but I’d get a lot of face time on TV:

I’d have Sales Incentive Trips to exotic places (of course, there would be NO sales at the Bad Bank so EVERYONE would be incented, and qualified, too.)

I’d shave strokes off my handicap; I’d buy Citicorp’s jet; I’d hire Blago’s wife; I’d join the Emporer’s Club VIP. I’d have a lot of explaining to do for the Bad Bank.

And if the Media calls, or a Legislator, or a “customer,” they’d get voice mail: “Your call is very important to me…” (Yeah right! I’m golfing…) If my boss calls, I’d tell him I was working diligently on The Bad Crisis Communication Plan – and was having my taxes done at H&R Block this year!

Bad PR = Bad to the Bone