Bollywood Blockbuster: Wach and Wells

What may be a surprise to Citi’s CEO Vikram Pandit, his new bride Wach has left the nest and is now snuggled safely in the loving arms of its free market hero the west coast banking giant Wells. Apparently Citi’s arranged marriage with Wach was never consummated and looks like it’s heading for an annulment.

This one’s got all the drama of a Big Bollywood blockbuster. The young and troubled Wach is forced by her desperate father FedSec to submit to a loveless arranged marriage to Citi. FedSec has offered a worthless and mysterious dowry it calls EESA whose origins, authenticity and value is highly questionable.

Citi is one of the last vestiges of the crumbling rule of a decrepit Credit Markit Raj. The New York based Citi whose Brahman family lineage is long past its prime is now desperate for the favors of FedSec’s EESA dowry. Citi believes that EESA can prop up the Credit Markit Raj and prolong its position of power and privilege.

Wells the fine looking paramour from California is rumored to have slain gigantic sub-prime mortgage monsters spawned by the evil excesses of Credit Markit Raj. Wells has recovered nicely from its battles and purportedly has a quality balance sheet and size that is preferred by Wach. Apparently size does matter and Wach may have found the true love with Wells it will never have with Citi.

Wells issued $20B in new securities as an example of it’s free market might and demonstration of love for Wach. Wach’s self-esteem has suffered throughout this entire drama. Wach was troubled by the public perception of her intrinsic worth. This past Monday when FedSec announced the arranged marriage to Citi, the marketplace said her value was the equivalent of $.75 per share. But Wells value and sense of self worth rose with Wells attention. As of this morning Well’s affection has raised Wach’s value to over $6.00 per share.

Wells capture of Wach’s affection may threaten FedSec’s mastery and attempted control of the Credit Markit Raj with the offering of the EESA dowry. Ultimately the riches promised by the EESA dowry may not materialize. A governing group of petite demigods called SENCONS may confiscate the dowry and abscond back to their ivory tower hideout.

Lawsuits and high highfalutin philosophizing by the SENCONS about an activist FedSec and letting free markets prevail assures that theater goers will enjoy many sequels of the Wach & Wells story of true love and capital market freedom. Stay tuned.

Risk: EESA